Why The People You Choose Don’t Choose You Back

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I think everyone, at some point in their life, romantic or platonic, has experienced this. We have had fathers leave us as young children, and mothers who are right in front of us but have mentally checked out. We’ve fallen in love with people who decided they didn’t love us back or had siblings that we poured our love into and it has never been reciprocated.

In more ways than one, we often choose people who don’t choose us. It’s a very complex stirring that occurs when this happens to you, it brings up many different emotions, and the emotions that surface due to these experiences are different for everyone because everyone has chosen different experiences.

Regardless of how you do, it fucking hurts. It sends us down a rabbit hole of thoughts, like “Why do I always want men who don’t want me? What did I do to deserve this? When will it end? When will someone finally choose me?

The answer is, and always will be when you choose yourself.

What if I told you, that certain people have come in and out of your life with the specific purpose of not choosing you, and that it was for your highest good?

Yep – we have perfectly orchestrated it all, and by we, I mean higher versions of ourselves, the ones who can see from the top of the mountains while we are lost under the trees, staring at the soil looking for answers.

You see, we come here to Earth for the human experience, and the way we are able to learn here is through duality, or contrast.

It is one of the single, most important tools in our tool belt to expand our consciousness.

Since we’ve been conditioned to function with an illusion of happiness when we’re really in a state of disempowerment, we need stronger “kickbacks” in order to shake us awake.

The programming of disempowerment is so strong, that we actually CALL IN experiences that show us how much we are NOT CHOOSING OURSELVES.

So you have these relationships, with your parents or your friends, or your partners where you fight and sacrifice yourself to show them how much you choose them when they were never meant to choose you – because their decision to not choose you, is the KICK UP of the programming that implies you do not choose yourself.

Did I lose you yet? Let’s keep going 🙂

Let’s break down what I mean by “kickback.”

I am using a reference from the movie Inception, and if you haven’t seen it, watch it.

In this movie, they are charged with entering a man’s dream state all the way down to the inception point of thought, so they can place a thought that would grow to be perceived as his own idea.

This was broken down into several different levels of sleep, which they as a team would have to juggle while they made their way down the levels.

When they were down in these layers of the subconscious, they used a kickstart to jolt them back up the levels, like falling into water or off a chair. Liken it to falling asleep in class as a child and your head dropping would jolt you awake. This momentum is necessary for repressed trauma, which can literally embed in our DNA, to kick up to the surface.

The trigger caused by not being chosen, pushes up programming, and emotion related to that programming all the way up through your bodies onto the surface, and boom, you’re on the hot mess express.

However, we tend to stop here and shift into the victim mindset when this happens because it is the natural transition when you function in a disempowered state.

So I am going to challenge you now, to decide not to choose victimization, but accountability. I want you to look in the mirror, and ask, what are the ways in which I am not choosing myself?

Begin the work – nothing that happens to you is here to hurt you, but to teach you, however, you have to learn the lessons.

When you are in the space where you are your number one priority, that reflects out, which means you will call in experiences, and people, that are able to choose you, because you have, and you’ll notice that the ones who choose you are able to because they have also chosen themselves.

Now it’s time to let go of the resentment- the grudges, notions, emotions, and distorted judgments you have held on certain people and moments, and realize that they are the reason you get to choose yourself.

Write them all down, and let them go with love, they have served you so well. Burn them, cut them up, toss them over a bridge – whatever feels most cathartic, and choose to clean your slate, have a good night’s sleep.

Osu.

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About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a part-time writer for Scary Mommy and has a pulse on all things entertainment, Lifestyle, and Movies/TV. She is a freelance writer for lifestyle brands and is the Founder of her own parenting blog, The Unconventional Mom. Krystal has a bachelor’s degree in Journalism from UMass Lowell and has been a closet novelist since 2013. As a first-time mama, and long-time alchemist, she uses her voice as a catalyst to help parents and families live and sustain a more conscious lifestyle.
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